


Best Not Miss

by Ononymous



Series: Undertale Anniversary Requests 2019 [11]
Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Gen, Post-Undertale Pacifist Route
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-06
Updated: 2019-12-06
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:01:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,302
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21694303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ononymous/pseuds/Ononymous
Summary: It's easy enough to win something when the best participants no longer participate. But when they return? Well how else do you confirm how great you are at nose-nuzzling?
Relationships: Dogamy/Dogaressa (Undertale)
Series: Undertale Anniversary Requests 2019 [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1486172
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	Best Not Miss

**Author's Note:**

  * For [CoramDeo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoramDeo/gifts).



Dogamy had perfect control over his limbs. His legs were planted on the ground like the mightiest Snowdin tree. His arms were not as frozen, but that was so they could expertly move the pan over the stove. He had less iron discipline over his other extremities, however. His ears swivelled as they were flooded with the delightful sizzle of the frying pan's protein-rich contents. Meanwhile his tail slowly wagged to the rhythm of the Shyren song wafting from the radio, almost unheard consciously over the effort of cooking. His nose was tortured with the heavenly aroma of cooking meat, twitching as he had to countermand the orders sent to his tongue to present itself without delay, to avoid accidental drooling. These steaks were coming along great, Dohj had been spot on about this mix of seasonings. The effort needed to finish the meal without devouring it all without delay made Dogamy feel like he'd melt from determination. But he managed the highwire act just smoothly enough to keep the extreme forces in check.

At the twelve minute and forty-one second mark, he knew they were just cooked enough to pass the Grillby standard, just how Dogaressa liked them, so he deftly flipped the pan and watched the two steaks soar through the air, resisting the urge to leap up and catch one of the meaty frisbees in his mouth, and felt self-confident satisfaction as they plopped onto the middle of two plates he'd already laid out. The first time he'd tried this fancy maneuver, they'd both wound up on the floor. He and Dogaressa had eaten them anyway, but non-dogs could get a little picky about such things. Finishing his culinary task was impeccably timed, as his ears easily heard the front door open.

"That you, Essa?"

"Yes, Gamy!"

"Great, dinner is served-"

Dogaressa entered without as much of a glance at the mythic rare steaks. Instead she marched over to him and thrust a bag into his paws. Curious he rummaged around in it and examined some of the contents. A small comb that would suit his moustache. Nose dampener. Breath mints. Tongue-pant suppression medication from Doctor Drake.

"Huh? What's all this for?"

She raised up the answer. A toothmark-riddled flyer from Grillby's, advertising the _MTT™ Sponsored Inaugural On-Surface..._

"Nuzzling competition!" she cried. "We've got to practice!"

His ears snapped to attention, and even he forgot the meal he'd slaved over. It had been so long, but in that moment Dogamy felt like a pup entering their contest together. He looked into his wife's amber eyes, hoping to see similar energy. Despite this being her idea however, she didn't look too excited.

"What's the matter?"

"Well, there's a reason I brought all this stuff... I heard the King was going to participate too. Sort of like a chance to have the title taken off them rather than just giving it up."

That certainly stuck Dogamy's tail between his legs for a moment. But then, "Well who's his partner?"

"Just like '98, it's the queen. Or ex-queen? I'm not sure."

The tail dislodged. "Really? How'd he talk her into that?"

She shrugged. "No idea. Maybe she just wants some closure about the whole thing. But that doesn't matter, Gamy. We lost to them like five times in a row. We've got to have our A-Game if we have any hope of winning this."

"Oh, we will definitely have our A-Game. You can count on me to take it seriously. But I think we've got it in the bag anyway."

She tilted her head, looking quizzical. "You don't remember '96? It was like nobody else even tried. Their chemistry is like, I dunno, water and porcelain. They were made for each other back then. How can anybody stand up to them?"

His nose already got some practice in, stroking the edge of her muzzle to relax her. "Essa, Essa, Essa, you've forgotten. I'm not surprised, it's been ages since we actually competed. What was rule one about nuzzling that old Rovie taught us?"

Dogaressa contemplated the question while scratching her chin. With a hind leg. "The best nuzzlers are partners with an unbreakable bone of love. I mean bond."

"Right," he nodded, "and that was true for them back then, but come on. They've been split up for who knows how long. Maybe if they spent a few years getting back together and rebuilding their relationship we'd be in trouble, but there's no sign of that. How on earth could they project the sincerity needed for a truly great nuzzle? Meanwhile we've been together all that time. Through thick and thin and cat, we've had each other's backs. As long as we don't screw around, I think we'll be favourites to take the trophy with honour."

She was swayed by his enthusiasm, tussling his ear with a smile. "If you say so, dear. But please don't screw around. If they're on the list, they can be the winners. Even Jerry could!"

"No, he couldn't."

She shook the delusion from her hear. "...you're right, no he couldn't."

"Alrighty then. First step of training," he seized the comb from the bag and stroked it effortlessly through his moustache, "proper grooming!"

* * *

Grillby's was packed that day, even without the pack. Many were there only to watch, including some humans, but there was no chance anyone would win by default. The competitive field had shifted so dramatically since the last nuzzling competition that many who may not have bothered the year before had put their hat in the ring. But only two dogs had done so. Out of respect and loyalty Dogamy and Dogaressa were given a clear run at the competition without confusing the judges with similar canine techniques. The establishment would have a great show. The reigning champion sat alone in the corner, looking at his tiny teacup and smiling meekly, word having spread that Toriel would only be their for the performance itself.

"Hey," said Dogamy, "anyone got the performance order?"

"Arf!"

"Thanks, Grey. Let me see..." he balanced a pair of glasses off his nose to examine the piece of paper. "Oh, we're second last. Great, it'll be our lovely noses leaving an impression on the crowd last. That might just tip the balance."

A burnt dog biscuit twitched skeptically in their friend's mouth. "But Asgore and Toriel go after you guys, what if they take that away from you?"

Dogaressa waved a dismissive hand. "That's just a courtesy for the retiring champion, Doggo, they don't have the chops."

Doggo shrugged. "Yeah, you're probably right. Hey, where's Asgore again?"

"Woof!"

"Oh yeah, thanks Less. Hmm, still can't see him. Oh, he moved..."

The two canine contestants ignored them and took out fur brushes, brushing each other's snouts to remove knots for the fourth time that day. While they did so, a brown bear took the stage.

"Welcome to Grillby's, one and all, and welcome to the very first Nose Nuzzle Competition since the end of the war, and the inaugural competition to be held on the Surface!" He let a smattering of applause and barking follow this greeting. "I'm your host, Paulie, and I'll be introducing our contestants." There was polite applause. "Now before we jump straight into what we're all here for, I have a surprise. Arrangements have been made for everyone to receive complimentary steaks, hand-grilled by Grillby, by holding them in his hand!"

The firey owner of the establishment then wheeled out a large tray crammed with plates of meat. A constant stream of thuds flowed from the canine table as the smell filled the air, even louder than the applause. Every tail started wagging, and all but one tongue unspooled from their owner's mouth. A second was hurredly shoved back in.

"Resist, Gamy! Focus! Consider the steak as our prize!"

"S-sorry, honey." He fumbled for a pill. Stimulants were fair game in monster pagentry.

"Okay!" called Paulie. "While the audience enjoys their food, let's get the contest underway! Put two or more appendages together for our first couple: Insert Contestant Number 1 Name Here, and Jerry! Wait a minute..."

There was little applause as the squat off-white monster strutted onto the stage with absolute confidence. It was drowned out by muttering. And Doggo's growls.

"Sir," said Paulie, "who's your partner?"

Smugness. "I'm all the partner I need."

"But... do you know what nuzzling is? You need at least two noses involved to participate."

"Yeah. If you're lame. Check this out." Jerry snapped his noodly arm out like a whip, before gradually bending his bulbous hand to the bump above his prominent lips and giving a delicate rub, as though scratching an itch. "That's how we do it where I'm from," he swagged.

"We're all from Snowdin!" came a catcall. From a cat. Doggo growled again.

"Ugh, whatever. I'll just wait until the other losers are done and collect my trophy." He then strutted off the stage even more sure of himself.

"Well that was certainly a... confident nuzzle. Judges, your scores? Hmm, '2', '0', 'minus 1', and 'No'. Alrighty, our next contestants - and don't worry, there's two of them, I checked..."

Indeed, Jerry was the only entry to attempt such an avant garde approach to nuzzling. But there was definitely a variety of styles. A polar bear and a mouse had a friendly nuzzle showing how to respect size imbalances. Two rocks and a slime went for the rare triple nuzzle, and while technically proficient, two of the participants didn't look particularly lively. Undyne and Alphys had a go, despite Undyne bringing the same problem as Jerry in nose deficiency, and they ultimately just ended up kissing, but the passion earned them relatively decent marks from the judges, considering. And on and on it went.

"We're down to our last two contestants, folks! Well, I mean there are four left but two entries- aw, you know what I mean. Give it up for our penultimate couple, longtime members of the nuzzle scene, perennial runners-up, Dogamy and Dogaressa!"

They'd earned the most energetic applause yet, a good sign. Getting up on the stage they took a small bow while waiting for it to die down.

"Nothing too fancy," whispered Dogaressa, "stick to fundamentals."

"Will do," he replied, "no need to let perfect be the enemy of good."

"In your own time."

The two dogs looked into each other's eyes, resting opposing paws on each other's cheeks at the same time, slowly approaching until their dark noses almost touched. Then their snouts changed course, delivering the softest of glancing blows. A synchronised withdrawal, and the same approach from the other side. Then a cheeky little lick with their tongues, a sign of trust. The rubbing grew stronger as the performance went on, getting faster too, almost threatening to break out into wild flailing, but kept firmly in check by rigorous discipline. Their ears joined the sequence, flicking this way and that in unison. Finally they buried their noses into each other's furry shoulders as a sign of affection, signalling the nuzzle to be at an end. The applause was thunderous.

"Textbook stuff, you two, well done! Now, the judges? '9', '8', '8', oh my, our first '10' of the day! Out in first place by a country mile with only one challenger remaining! Is it all over? I'd say so!"

The married couple bowed once again, their synchronised tails the only sign of their pleasure at having done so well, and then took their seats with the rest of the pack, who were howling in triumph.

"Okay," said Paulie, "let's get this over with. For what I'm told will be their final time should they lose, give a warm welcome for His Majesty, King Asgore Dreemurr, and... Miss Toriel! Dang, that always sounds weird. Politics, I guess..."

The two of them approached from different angles, never a good sign. Doggo gently nudged Dogamy. "You got this, bro. What could they possibly do?"

What they could possibly do, it turned out, was win. From first contact the hall was silent. Mere words could never have matched the perfection witnessed that day. Stunned shock was everywhere, peppered with disbelief, but no face showed it. By the time the trick with their horns came along, the pack felt utterly defeated. How could they top that? They couldn't. Nobody could remember what the scores were, but it no longer mattered.

"Amazing," muttered Doggo, tears welling, "such a flawless performance."

"A stunning upset, folks! The reigning champions fend off their rivals one more time! And I don't think anybody in this room will disagree it is wholeheartedly deserved!"

Amid all the applause and cheers, two bodies in that room disagreed. "...how?!" whispered Dogamy harshly. "With their relationship in tatters, how could they do it so... perfectly?!"

"There's always next year, dear," consoled Dogaressa.

"I dunno." His ears drooped. "I feel like this was our chance. Unless another war starts up they'll just be better next year."

Dogaressa gave her husband a scandalous pat on the head. "We still got a clear second, darling. And we also have something they don't."

"What's that."

"Our steaks. Didn't I tell you they were the prize?"

A tongue long kept in check finally cascaded out, and the romantic dinner began, no other cares in the world. Meanwhile the winners quietly disembarked the stage.

"Brilliant idea," whispered Asgore, "arranging the free steaks."

"Thank you," said Toriel, "I knew being in such close proximity to dogs they could put two and two together with their noses alone. We needed a distraction."

"I'd never have thought of that." He placed an arm on her shoulder under the pretense of guiding her down the stairs. "So, shall we defend our title next year?"

"Of course. But you're getting your beard shampooed next time."

**Author's Note:**

> Original suggestion: There are not enough Dogamy and Dogaressa stories out there. If, hypothetically, Asgore and Toriel were back together again, there could be a nose-nuzzling rematch.
> 
> Pastebin version: https://pastebin.com/e7MfbeSB
> 
> Let me know what you think, and thanks for reading!


End file.
